Engel Laude

On that grievous Valentine’s Day, my heart shattered as my beloved departed this world, swiftly followed by a tempest that claimed her parents. A no-contact order, lifted ere April’s dawn, left me bound in silent torment, charged with accusations that vanished like mist from the public record. My very DNA and fingerprints shifted with each trauma, altering mind and being alike. That night, when Em inquired if my detention troubled me, stirring feelings unspoken, I found myself drowning in self-blame for a fate perhaps writ in the stars—a haunting whisper, “If her life was in danger, don’t try to save her.” This memory, fading yet fierce, clashed with the warrior’s instinct engraved by the Department of Defense. Born from the ashes of 2001’s sorrow, I devoted myself to justice and life’s renewal. Now, standing at a crossroads of loss and purpose, I serve those voiceless and suffering, holding dear the memories of those gone. Days later, a colleague’s name evaded me—a shadow lost from my digital realm though visible to Em. It was my loved one, battling cancer, whose pain I had unknowingly erased from memory, yet for whom silent gifts were raised. My records, riddled with gaps and puzzles, obscure the paths I trod in service and study, from mysterious schools to military audits, as traits like ADHD and catatonia emerged—not birthrights, but burdens and blessings forged by experience. A recent reunion with comrades brought laughter and counsel, reminding me that family endures beyond hardship, urging a second medical opinion with steadfast resolve. Through academic triumphs and military duty, a silent burden of loss intertwines with my purpose as guardian. Though plots sought to remove me, my faith and resilience—honed through pain—prevail. Even as I am unknowingly cast in digital shadows, perceived as blind though I navigate by sound and sharpened senses, I remain steadfast, a rock amid the stream, bearing witness and pressing forward with unwavering resolve.